It’s been too long! How did the trip end? Going into my walkabout, I left home without any expectations—only a child’s imagination, pining to feel at ease, swaying through days in the land of my dreams. I felt I had been down there since my birth and before. Each step I took felt comfortable along my timeless path. How do experiences like this end?
I couldn’t have told you before; I left without a plane ticket home. In truth, my return was never in question, but my mind refused to consider this element of new experiences. The end, it’s over, back to the real-world. That’s a term you hear all the time from people traveling through the Caribbean, “back to the real-world.” Each time I’d think: how is this unreal?
Most everything we (the travelers) did in the islands broadened our perspectives tenfold; nothing is normal in our lives and that is a great adventure—much like our wildest fancies. But I refuse to write-off my evolution, my experiences as unreal. This allows people to transition easily back into their everyday lives they left behind.
Little do I know—little does anyone know what the outcome of the Corona Virus will be. But the world I came home to a month ago, was not the same place I left. There is no normal anymore; everyone’s lives flipped summersaults. Part of me is grateful—as selfish as this sounds—but I was not mentally prepared to jump back into work and a daily schedule.
But you just took two months off, how could you not be ready to work?
Upon arriving home, just as on the entire trip, I knew I was where I was meant to be in the world—what an ecstatic feeling. I saw my loved ones, held them, and shared exotic stories about my time in the tropics. For a week or so the traveling high held me above my reality.
My old thought patterns, the ones I out-grew, latched on in the familiar setting. My semi-daily writing practice (which I hoped to make my daily routine) vanished into procrastination. It’s an unsettling feeling being lost at home. It’s a feeling that a lot of people are going through right now on different scales—being lost in our own bodies, in our own houses, near the ones we love, and alone.
I spend most of my time reading—which isn’t the worst form of procrastination—and I exercise and watch my diet. I no-joke began living healthy as a form of procrastination. I told myself, with great health comes clarity, and then the words will flow. Putting my trust in divine timing, without putting my effort into the time passing. With an abundance of time, it began to lose value in my mind, days slipping by—nothing happening.
My time becomes more valuable each day. A lesson of inner peace I’ve struggled with throughout life is the idea that stillness is achieved when our thoughts, words, and actions all align. Find discipline in this balancing act.
Thoughts and words lose validity without a balancing-action. I witnessed my words become meaningless and my thoughts powerless; I considered what it would be like not to speak at all—to not have the ability to speak. What if none of us could speak? How would we communicate? Our actions alone would intervene between our thoughts and the outside world.
I practice gratitude in all aspects of life: in thought, words-of-prayer, and action. None of which is purer than the other, but without all three the gratitude doesn’t blossom. Our surroundings reflect our state of mind. Our environment speaks volumes on the way we live: a mirror into the way we view ourselves. We should approach all aspects of our lives with this balancing act in mind. I am truly grateful to be alive and have this opportunity to spend devoted time on my inward journey.
Often when people asked how my trip was, I reply with the term life-changing or unimaginable. But what changed in my life because of the trip? Is this skepticism, putting myself on the chopping-block, or is it studying the self under a microscope? The self is, after all, the root of all wisdom. How has my life changed from my time abroad?
I look people in their eyes and hold eye-contact with everyone I come across. This became a focus of mine while abroad. To know someone in a glance, absent judgement—with empathy toward their human condition. I kicked a few bad habits, but not all of them… my procrastination survived. However, there is deep awareness in my state of being.
Stalling out of fear is a normal human action, but not one I recognize in myself often. Stomp out the fear; just like jumping off water-falls, and wining down the streets of Trinidad, confidence doesn’t allow space for fear. Confidence is knowing without-question who you are (or at least who you think you are—false-confidence).
The search of who am I? is where I felt lost. Although I was home physically, I was shaken mentally. The mind, as all great spiritual minds know, is the biggest obstacle to stillness and peace. The mind creates suffering as a form of identity and we continue the habit because we can’t see it happening or refuse to acknowledge its being. My mind danced circles for days: I am a writer; no, I haven’t earned such a title; I am a sailor; this too is a dream-hollow of action and merit; I am a messenger; what is my message?
My intention is for my life to inspire art, love, unity, liberty, individuality, and truth. All of our goals should be to know the truth of ourselves while we still have the energy to act it out. This is the way I see it—
No matter what efforts we make in life, death is inevitable for all of us. Most people either consciously or subconsciously fear death. This is because many of us are unaware of our personal truth. My vision of our existence after death is simple. There is one thing that happens to all of us and our reaction places our consciousness for eternity; the moment of bodily death, our timeless truth is revealed to us in full.
Our timeless truth is our universal impact, what is our role in the grand scheme? Our ability to accept our truth with loving forgiveness expands our eternal vision. The inability to come to peace with who we are binds us in unbearable eternal denial. As our vision expands in acceptance, we now see the truth of those we love as an expansion of ourselves; if our love is true and we hold everyone we come across as extensions of ourselves, we gain the truth of infinity—of God’s will. When we accept infinity with loving forgiveness in our hearts, we shine in God’s presence and light.
Inability to accept and forgive the truth at any evolution of divinity imprisons us—our only hope is that our impact continues and our truth eventually brightens the path to forgiveness. If I’ve lost any of you, feel free to ask questions. The take-away points are these: love all life as an extension of our own being; practice forgiveness in every moment; and search deliberately for your truth.
Awareness is key to outgrowing the conditions of our mind which no longer serve our purpose. Never allow your weaknesses to be the reason you fail. Today, I refocus my path, my writing—nothing is more important. Mental growth must be applied to the physical realm to bear fruit. No one judges a tree by its roots—but its fruit. As long as you look outward for discipline, purpose, love, or joy it will elude you in the world of tomorrow.
Man holds no philosophy, but the way he lives. Manifestation occurs when we harness our thoughts and energy, redirect our focus, and walk our path one step at a time. We trip over our feet because our focus is too far ahead or behind our current position. Be real with yourself without judgement; avoid the distraction of false identity.
Allow life to teach you how to unlearn the conditions of your mind. Practice nonattachment with your thoughts, identity, and daily life. Live and love absent expectations and judgement; trust your placement and purpose; glorify God in your character; and create art for its own sake.
Moving forward, I am scheduling my success; there is no other way, but to carve out the time you need to fulfill your goals. This being said, I will update my blog on Mondays and Thursdays around 7 p.m. We will grow together. I understand there is so much room for improvement within myself and Walkabout Redemption, so I move forward—one breath at a time.
May each of you find peace of mind and stillness in your heart during these uncertain times.
Guidance, Blessings
Capt. BZ