“Unbalanced today—checking in tomorrow.”
We have all felt this way before. I stared at the 5 words on the computer screen with brutal thoughts: you should’ve already written today’s blog; more aligned than ever my ass; no one will care if you don’t even write the blog; go ahead, procrastinate, make excuses. I stoop up from the desk and walked around the office.
Tough crowd—I focus on the silence between my thoughts, even the smallest glimpse as the attacks pile-on. I took a step back and found a familiar position on my yoga mat for meditation. I spent an extended period of time seated in a butterfly-position with a straight spine and open palms, before stretching out on my back with my arms and legs pulling away from one another. When the time to return to this dimension came, I raised my thumbs to my forehead with my palms pressed together.
“Irie, balance me in Your unconditional love, as I remember how to balance myself in the same love. Irie, amen.”
My inner path continues from the head to the heart as I realize my essence of unconditional love. Along this path we become angels and interact with other angels.
Feminine Wind came first. “This is not love,” she says. As a truly formless being, she shifts into my lowest vibrations. She extracts the weight of my ignorance and cast me into the sea. But without her, how will I ever return? As days and nights blend together in the vast, empty doldrums, my heart accepts its isolation and forgives itself for ruining the wind. Gusts fill the sails, but without a heading, the boat continues further off shore.
Years pass and wind returns to her nature, but I am far from charted territory. “Irie I am lost, drifting without a course—guide me.” My vision becomes blank—pure emptiness: no water or wind, no boat or sails, no body of any form. With a dark outer world, I question my existence. In this trance, I am visited by the angel Polaris.
“I am here to take you home,” she says.
I do not see anything. “How did you find me?” I say.
“Your light,” she says, “I can see nothing else.”
The spoken words made it so, all the darkness transforms into light. “This light has to be yours,” I say, “because I was here before and there was only darkness.”
“That’s because you believed in the darkness more than the light.” She says. “Become firm in your beliefs and the universe will speak through your faith.”
“I am light because of you,” I say, “and for that, I love you.”
“No,” she says, “I am your reflection.”
Just as soon as she had appeared, she disappeared into the heavens. But I know where to find her, deep within my own heart. In times of inner darkness, I cast out into the open sea hoping to find her in bodily form again. For years this pattern continues, but the further I search outward, the more I know I will never see her in the same way again.
Returning from one of these trips, my darkness overtakes me, heavier than ever. My boat runs aground, crippling her ability to maneuver. Still, my light returns. The entire voyage up until now seems to be for no other reason but to get me here. I crawl ashore.
Here, I visit the angel Mother Earth.
“I love you!” I say and fill my belly with the fruit she hands me. She comforts my tethered mind. She teaches me to feed myself. She teaches me to guide myself—how to repair myself. “I love you!”
The entire time she never speaks, but guides me through her being.
“I love you.” I say again, hoping she will speak.
“The only way to love me,” she says, “is by loving yourself.”
In due time, I cast myself back into the sea—where I belong. With myself as light and guide, no where is off limits.
Follow the signs of the universe. Once you believe accidents are an illusion, you will learn her language. We evolve in leaps of faith along a spiraling existence. Listen to your body when you are balanced and even more so when something feels off. Trust and love yourself—realize the seed of unconditional love.
Guidance, Blessings
Capt. BZ